i’m paranoid g…

i’m paranoid growl. i need him to want to be with me, and talk to me. I was jealous yesterday he momentarily saw one of our friends’ like that’s how sad i am. I wish he would make an effort to at least talk to me because it makes me wonder if he likes me at all. I am going to assume he doesn’t and now i have to think about getting him to like me. =/  

I hate that a guy

has turned me into this and has affected my mood…..but…….he is worth it and honestly i think God really wants me to be with him. He doesn’t want it to be easy and i’m guessing to make sure i explore my feelings and get over the initial lustful stage, and just a testament to my feelings. I like him a lot, and i think he is awesome. I like him physically, and i don’t know him FULLY or deeply but i like his quirks and his personality. I appreciate and admire him as a person. I would like to be more like him because he’s so incredibly nice. So yeah, i have to work for it but i want God to know I will be patient i just want the result to be a romantic relationship ( bf/gf). I know God has that in his plan for me because i know he wants to see me happy and whole again.

creeping

Sooooooooooooooo when i get bored i check Dan’s facebook,and one of his bestfriends make me jealous. growl their closeness and just eveerrrrything.      GOD let this boy like me strongly or  MORE or start to….it is driving me insane =/

so my random cr…

so my random crying session has begun. CAN i just be diagnosed with like depression or something then at least i have a specific problem with a way to combat it…………i haven’t cried in a couple of weeks but i feel like i’m reverting to my old “crying everyday” thing

i really want t…

i really want to be happy. I really want a lot of things. Right now i only care, and am affected by Dan lol. he’s the one thing i know that can immediately make me smile. Everything else is stressing me out and making me sad but so is dan. I haven’t hung out ALONE with him in a while. it bothers me. it makes me wonder. i am overthinking. i hate this. i prayed last night outside to God for Dan. I am not going to lie i was pretty emotional because i was already sad to begin with. i am praying for Dan….even right now as i write this. being with him makes it better, and i haven’t felt that way towards someone EVER. i want him to be my boyfriend i need him to be mine. this isn’t some i’m putting all my feelings on me because im going through something. it’s…………he is a great guy….i feel comfortable and happy around him, and i let myself feel things for him. I desperately want to cry now to get some sort of relief. It hurts to not date  him, and at this point if it hurts more to be his girlfriend i will accept it. YEAH that’s intense but i would have some piece of mind……=/. I hate this…i am not like this……………………God will give him to me….because he knows how i feel inside much better than i can express in this blog. 

i dont even know

YUP…..exactly.

so

I was going to text you but i don’t know if your phone is on vibrate or loud when you are sleeping and i was worried about waking you up. I was on facebook and i saw that Dan updated his status he has been accepted to Albany grad school. I wished him congrats, and then felt sadness. Before i was sad because i thought he was leaving now…. i am faced with many possibilities for instance….he could choose to NOT go to Albany grad school so why get my hopes up? also…he could go to Albany and whatever and then……we  remain stagnant…or like ….what if we don’t progress? What if…..he DOESNT like me…..i know he does…but what if…..he has lost interest or doesn’t want to pursue anything further? Basically before i was sad because of a ” what we could of had” now….it can be a ” shit….. not interested”    iono…….

yes i’ve been feeling lonely and i expressed this to you earlier….and i hate waking up and feeling anxious/nervous sad……..but like i said i decided to shift my focus. Please continue praying for me….i am applying to law school…so pray i get in………and do good on the october lsat. i know your prayers carry a lot of weight….soo….i will be preparing for the lsats until october……God give me a 168!!! also…i want Dan Floss lol now that there’s a possibility…i hope he realizes he shouldn’t let me go…and explore his feelings. I know he likes me but apparently doesn’t want a commitment….and you know what…..i just want him to be EVEN more and ridiculously into me. So pray for my lsat, and my floss. by the way….he reads the bible twice a day…=) i like that about him.

 

sooooooooooooooooo yeah when i go to bed i am excited to pray. God has been good to me with Dan i hope he continues to open Dan’s eyes/heart.

 

text me!

=/

woke up feeling anxious again….why why why why why =(

 i hope i don’t cry today

panda!

HI I LOVE YOU!!! sorry i haven’t been posting or texting you but i did send you a text today!!! i would love for you to call me or just text me sometime! i am curious as to what you are up to!! and your bestfriend’s wedding is APPROACHING!!! YYYYYIPPPPPPEEEEEEE!!!

prayer

So i’ve been praying recently for this guy i like, and i hope God answers my prayers. He wouldn’t introduce me to a wonderful guy to torture me? So i’ve decided that God wants me to have him. And i am still praying for him everyday because i really want him, and i don’t know what else to do but to talk to guy about it earnestly.

 

 

hope!

I called the graduate admissions department for SUNY, and they do not send out the notices until April. I hope i get in…..i really do.  <3 <3  Also, I am hoping that Dan likes me lol. I know it’s not something i ordinarily care about but if i can have Dan like me, and grad school it will make everything better. so pray for me! i prayed for you earlier today <3

 

love you!